One Small Step For Man, One Giant Leap For Mankind

There is a strange feeling in my stomach. Not until this very moment, on this beautiful spring night, have I realized the vast importance of AP English in my life these last two years. It truly defines my high school experience. Without this class, high school would have been a breeze. In only two years, we have all risen to the challenge... the most hazardous and difficult adventure on which man has ever embarked. Many said this could be the worst disaster a student has ever experienced, to which we respond- "With all due respect, we believe it was our finest hour."

To every single person who took on the challenge: It has been a privilege working with you.

This is John Shoemaker signing off.

My AP English Exam

Harding, Amy, and Algernon peer over my should while I take the test and add comments as they deem necessary.

(Following my first essay)

Harding: "Why this is incredible" (58)

Amy: "I can count on one finger the number of times this sort of thing has happened to me" (229)

Harding (In reference to my essay topic over psychoanalysis): "You have already simplified all the work of Freud, Jung, and Maxwell Jones and summed it up in one analogy" (58)

Amy: "Okay, and you're going to have to forgive me here, but I guess I'm going to need a little more explanation" (88)

Algernon (To Amy): "You look perfectly ridiculous" (30)

(The three glance over their shoulders and notice Schiferl working diligently behind me– they address him directly)

Harding: "I had judged from our encounter this morning that you [Sam] were more intelligent" (59)

Algernon: "Really, if the lower orders don't set us a good example, what on earth is the use of them?" (23)

Amy: "Irony is a luxury the doomed can't afford" (230)

Harding: "That's certainly a pleasant analogy, my friend" (58)

(They lose interest with his essay and turn back to my work)

Algernon: "I hope... I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of perfection" (38)

Amy: "You're not crazy" (224)

Harding: "Yes, you're becoming sly. Just like the rest of us" (193)

Amy: "It's exciting"

Everything About Everything Matters Matters

The book Everything Matters by Ron Currie Jr. reminds me of Mike Tyson in his prime– if you don't pay close attention it will bite your ear off. Currie depicts the action so gracefully that Michelle Kwan would be jealous. Junior, the dynamic character Currie introduces to a curious audience, fights through trials in life that we can actually somewhat relate to, instead of the problems in a mental ward or an aristocratic society in England. Relationship problems, over-intelligence, and alcoholism pretty much sum up the daily concerns of both Junior Thibodeau and an AP English 12 student. In most books, I am able to group together a section of about forty pages that could use a nice ripping/shredding; however, I am able to honestly state each and every page held my upmost attention. Humor emerges from unexpected places like when Reggie attempts to suck his drink with "swizzle sticks" and Junior responds with a simple declarative: "You stir with them" (107). It reminds me of when Ms. Serensky simply states "be smart," which seems like the most blatantly obvious statement ever, yet it always seems to snap me out of a daze full of stupidity. Furthermore, Currie preforms the impossible task of making me feel close to the characters in a book. I feel as if I grew up with Rodney: from his days in the "Adolescent Recovery Unit" to the big leagues, I stuck with him (52). Lastly, the situational irony created at the conclusion of the novel when the family lies "huddled together, silent and relaxed" almost brought a tear to my eye, and Currie, assuredly, attempts to utilize pathos in order to draw content out of a skeptical reading faction (302). An excellent piece with a fantastic ending is rare in the literary world today and we must, as a society, cherish rarities such as Everything Matters.

Top 10 Most Thrilling Academic Moments of My High School Career

10. When I mastered the art of the A- in my sophomore year– I ended with four grades between a 92.1 and a 93. The opening of my report card was "a mighty awesome sight" (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

9. My passage of the AP Chemistry exam after a year of utter confusion. "It's still hard for me to have a clear mind thinking on it" (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

8. Never feeling a sense of rejection– after each thrilling opening of my college decision letters. I was lucky enough to go 4/4 and, after each one, I let out a blood-curtling shout because "I been silent so long now it's going to roar out of me like floodwaters" (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

7. My first 7- on an essay. Bottom line, it opened a new realm of possibility for my writing career: "They're out there" (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest).

6. When I participated in the terribly over-emphasized and overly important ACT. I received a 33 (that happens to be my favorite number which was thrilling in its own right) and possessed the ability to coast through the rest of high school because these tests are taken into way too much consideration for college... although I'm not complaining. I guess it's true what they say that "everything matters!" (Everything Matters).

5. It was pretty cool when I received Rotary Student of the Month because the recognition from my teachers means a lot to me. Throughout my high school career I have always "bear in mind that every choice will have consequences" and this award exemplifies that my decisions have been decent ones (Everything Matters).

4. When I realized the only class that required actual "home" work was AP English, that was pretty thrilling. My nights became a lot more relaxing because doing homework at school is "infinitely preferable to the one dreadful alternative" (Everything Matters).

3. The last multiple choice bubble I filled in on my AP Calculus exam was definitely one of my most thrilling academic experiences, because I knew I had 3 months of pure bliss and eating "delicate exotic fruit" (The Importance of Being Earnest).

2. When I receive a 5 on this year's AP English Literature exam. That's right. I'm calling it right now. "I may not write accurately... but I write with wonderful expression" (The Importance of Being Earnest).

1. I got into Duke. That was pretty thrilling. Thomas and Alex are both attending. That is also pretty thrilling. "The good ended happily" (The Importance of Being Earnest).

Favorite Poem

My favorite poem I have ever read is, and will always remain, "This Is Just To Say" by William Carlos Williams. Primarily due to the fact that the author's name is fantastic- who wouldn't want to have their first and last names be almost identical? However, the true reason this poem reserves a special place in my heart is because of Dominic's eloquent yet comical reading of the piece. The way he emphasized each line made me feel as if I were the one that just lost my plums to a greedy outsider. When I am chosen by Ms. Serensky to read a poem aloud, "I do my best to give satisfaction" to the entire class but fail miserably many a time, like when my British accent was not up to par (Wilde 13). Dom captured the moment, "I don't really know how to explain it," but something magical filled the room when he closed with a dramatic "so sweet, and so cold" (Currie 42). At the time, I may have scoffed at an intense depiction of such a simple, and short poem, but now I have this strange feeling that I must put down with ink: I'm "filled with the creeping feeling of having done something for which I should be ashamed" (Wilde 103). I needed this blog to release my true feelings about the excellent portrayal of a shameless person who has recently stolen some treasured plums. Bottom line: this was the shortest poem we read all year which I adored, but the way it was read made it truly special.

My Favorite Day in AP English

My favorite day in AP English was when we learned how to write analytical essays properly. I have been able to utilize the tools and procedures surrounding this task in all my other classes, enhancing my ability to convey thoughts and opinions. For example, I analyzed the differences between the Chesapeake and New England regions during my United States History exam last year. I enjoy writing a clean essay that ends with a respectable audience and purpose. I remember leaving class that day feeling as if my writing abilities were now limitless– it was like I was "touched on each side of the head with wires" (Kesey 69). The encompassing white boards were full with notes and structured soapstones. The parallel between a soapstone and an essay just clicked in my mind, and I thought "this is one of those mercifully rare moments" (Currie 68). I realized that day, when I took diligent notes throughout the period, that I now contained the ability to analyze any piece of writing I ever come across. Most people do not receive the opportunity to learn the ins and outs of writing a well-organized, concise analytical essay and I am grateful for the experience as well as the knowledge. I thought to myself, some of my fellow students "never talk anything but nonsense" yet now I will contain the ability to analyze even the most remote dictations and speaking styles (Wilde 19). As I walked out the door, I truly possessed a newfound ability to utilize in all my future endeavors.

Opposites Attract

Lady Bracknell finds herself seated next to Reggie Fox, on a swelteringly hot day, at a local pub. The following conversation ensues. (Quotes pulled from The Importance of Being Earnest and Everything Matters!)

Lady Bracknell: "Good afternoon" (8)

Reggie: "What are you sweatin' for?" (116)

Lady Bracknell: "From what cause I, of course, cannot say" (8)

Reggie: "You should follow my example" (117)

Lady Bracknell: "Do you smoke?" (12)

Reggie: "Don't make no difference" (123)

Lady Bracknell: "I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind" (12)

Reggie: "Ain't never thought about gettin' a job" (109)

Lady Bracknell: "That is satisfactory. What between the duties expected of one during one's lifetime, and the duties exacted from one after one's death" (13)

Reggie: (Utterly confused attempts to change the subject) "You ain't even old enough to be in here" (107)

Lady Bracknell: "I beg your pardon" (48)

Reggie: "Just go ahead and keep sittin' here... if you think I'm kidding" (122)

Lady Bracknell: (Perfectly flattered) "You may kiss me!" (48)

Reggie: Well maybe I should just propose to you.

Lady Bracknell: "To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements" (48)

Reggie: "Least you finally bein' honest" (113)

The two leave the pub and head back to Reggie's apartment located two blocks down the street.

Reggie: "I been thinkin... about what you and I been discussing" (106)

Reggie proclaims that he would like to cook the dishes for the wedding– a special spicy dish his mother taught him.

Reggie: "I'm gonna get real weird with it"

Lady Bracknell who never has eaten anything her entire life that was not prepared by a chef, finds this proposition out of the question.

Lady Bracknell: "You must be quite aware that what you propose is out of the question" (49)

She stands up and storms out of the apartment leaving Reggie to wallow in self-pity.

Just another day in the life of Reggie Fox.

Multiple Choice Game with Junior

Junior compared to the other AP 12 students

Muuahahaha!! Little do these pompous children know, I have an entity inside my freaking head that produces an answer for any question I pose! The Dream Team? Pshhh. They are physically incapable of even dreaming about the ideas and propositions that swim in my brain on a daily basis. Kaleigh O'hara with her "impressive" eighty percent scores; please, eighty percent would have been a solid score when I turned four. Of course, the only reason I find myself situated in this "advanced" class, where I already know more about English than the teacher, is because "regular classes don't work" (64). Here we go, the extra credit tests are being passed out... like I need extra credit. I've only missed two points this entire quarter and that is completely due to bias from the teacher. "Now listen, before you get mad or jump to any conclusions," I must explain to you why I have missed two points (88). There is this other kid in my class, Thomas Donley, who "would only grow his hair out for 5000 dollars," and my teacher eats his antics up. I hate it. However, this teacher found two, very debatable, mistakes in my last paper just so Thomas felt better about his own grade. Anyway, I only have five minutes to do this entire multiple choice game, oh wait, did I mention "I'm hearing a voice right now!" (89). Now the only question I have, besides does everything matter, is which group will get second?

The Fox and the AP English 11 Bomb Threat

(This interview discusses how a single day of AP English 11 changed Reggie Fox's life forever)


Me: Reggie, thank you so much for joining us today.

Fox: Got anything to drink? (107)

Me: Yes, would you like a glass of water?

Fox: That would be wonderful.

Me: Here you go, I even added a slice of lemon to give it a little more flavor.

Fox: That's very kind. (111)

Me: Not a problem, now we need to get down to business. Why did you drop the class immediately after the summer reading essay?

Fox: Ain't no joke. (109)

Me: I understand that, I received a 4- on that essay but I stuck it out.

Fox: That's one-and-one-half more than I got. (108)

Me: Ooo ok that is rough, but I don't think you're divulging the full truth to me about why you dropped because a lot of people started with terrible grades in that class.

Fox: It was a very difficult class, I could not understand much of the course material.

Me: I'm not exactly sure what that means or refers to, was it the workload that you couldn't handle?

Fox: People like me want nothin' more than to work (109)

Me: (Awkward pause) I still must ask: why did you send out that bomb threat during the middle of class?

Fox: I felt that I would receive more attention during discussions if I made a threat. Maybe then I would get a few more points... help my grade out, you know?

Me: I understand, it is very difficult to preform well in that class, I also try to wrack up points in discussions.

Fox: It's the only way.

Me: Well, thank you so much for joining us today.

Fox: My pleasure.

bomb threat to gain more attention during discussions

Multiple Choice

With the infamous multiple choice game tomorrow I would like to, for once, put all the trash talk aside and wish everyone well-deserved luck. Primarily, for the simple reason that I have never misunderstood a poem more than I did today. All I grasped the entire period was it had something to do with coins, the earth, and tears. As a collective unit, not separate teams, I believe we all accomplished something fantastic just through our ability to decipher some meaning from that cryptic piece of writing. For goodness sakes, most high school students are still developing their five paragraph essay skills while we sit at our desks and attempt to determine whether a poem (which I could barely comprehend) symbolizes the anxiety of lovers, the world's demise, or a broken up couple. All seem like perfectly legitimate answers to me! In all honesty, I am proud and thankful to be surrounded in a single classroom by so many intelligent people who, each and everyday force me to become smarter. The second reason I would like to extend my hand to everyone in the other groups is because we all need the EXTRA CREDIT. I don't think there has ever been a class in the history of Chagrin Falls where more people are sitting on a B+ to end the third quarter. It's demoralizing to think, one can work so hard but fall slightly short of that almighty A. I know there are a handful of people in our very class who hold a perfect transcript, without a single A, and I sincerely hope that they can achieve a feat which I am unable to even fathom. Good luck tomorrow everyone, and rack up that EC!!!

Five Steps to a...7-

Hours of hand cramps and brain farts. Weeks of sweat and tears. Months of pain and anguish. Years of acceptance and comedy. I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT!!! Change the title of my blog and eliminate all the sarcasm that goes with it! Today, at 10:22:17 A.M. I received my first ever AP rubric score that entered into the sound barrier, or more commonly known as a score that begins with the number 7. Granted, it was a 7- but who cares! I'm loving it more than a quarter pounder with fries from Mickie Ds! Most of you English hotshots will scoff at my achievement– Kreger will shove his 199/200 in my face (a score which I cannot even fathom), Donley will start listing his streak of 8s, and I can only imagine the score that my desk bud, Ms. O'hara, received. But let me tell you something, there is nothing better than getting a paper back with a 7- on it, especially after you set the all-time record streak for consecutive 5 pluses (hence the title of my blog). So I will end this blog early, and reward myself with a night filled of basking in my newfound glory in the eyes of Ms. Serensky (I hope).

Social Norms

With Winter Formal right around the corner, the students of Chagrin Falls have begun to shop for fresh ties and stylish dresses, and while most people change their attires from dance to dance... one thing stays the same. The freaking corsages and boutineers! The red squiggly line just appeared on my screen, under boutineers, but I'm not even going to bother finding the correct spelling– just to emphasize their ridiculousness. EVERY SINGLE DANCE we spend 10 to 25 dollars on these silly little flowers that no one likes to wear. Okay, I concede that freshman year the whole routine of figuring out how to pin a flower onto a sports coat was cute, but around seven dances later it's just getting old. I sincerely feel bad for the busboy who must clean up a table littered with flowery accessories, after a Formal group leaves their restaurant. They itch! They scratch! They annoy! They are idiotic social norms. Thank goodness that finally this year, our group found some sense and decided to rid ourselves of this horrid tradition. It will assuredly lead to a more comfortable, less expensive, and overall better last Winter Formal ever.

Paper

Stop the complaining, papers are chill

The Wonders of Winter

I can sense it. I can feel it. I can even almost taste it. Spring is in the air! I don't know if it's my southern roots, or just a pure hatred for winter, but when I walk outside after school and witness rays of sun beating down on my windshield instead of a freezing rain downpour... I am thoroughly ecstatic. Winter is the worst season by far: it's like a constant cold and tired depression that never leaves. I know many of the Northerners in our class would debate me until the end of time about the wonders of winter; however, here is a list of reasons to despise the awful season.

1. It gets dark faster than Chase's beard.

2. The clock can double as a thermometer.

3. After going to a Cavs game, the only team congruity is their season win total and the wind chill.

4. Hibernation is what I dream about.

5. Every single time someone walks inside with shoes on, that dreaded screech rings throughout the halls.

6. Kids start to where shorts to school the minute the temperature hits 30 (I swear I saw at least four kids with shorts on in the halls today).

7. The NFL season is over.

8. I would rather mow the entire lawn, rake every leaf in the yard, and spread mulch in my mom's large garden than shovel Mrs. Schiferl out of the snowbank along my driveway (true story).

9. Sledding is overrated. Let's be honest, it's fun for 30 minutes then your toes just start to hurt.

10. Everyone looks better and healthier with some color (our english class resembles a stack of printer paper).

I guess Anne Bradstreet leaves us with an appropriate closing quote: "If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant" which I agree with completely. Although, I could deal with a shorter period of misery and still reap the joys of  new and warmer season.

Hooray for the Spring!

TV Guide

With college applications completed, Christmas thank you notes out the door, and the simple fact that the second semester of our senior year has begun, I would like to act like your personal TV guide and recommend a few upcoming shows to watch in the upcoming weeks.

The Office: Hands down the funniest show I have watched on television. Quotable lines galore and a cast of characters who will not only make you cry out of laughter but cry out of love at the end of the upcoming season. Will Ferrell will also make a celebrity appearance on the last four shows of the season, which is sure to be a treat.

Outsourced: A little taste of Indian culture mixed with a large serving of American comedy. This show depicts a telemarketing company set in the place where Ashima and Ashoke call their home (well at least for most of the book). Didn't get enough Bengali culture in The Namesake? Tune in to this laugh out loud comedy Thursday nights at 10:30, or just set the DVR.

Mad Men: An extremely witty and well-written series about an advertising agency in the 1960s. You thought Clive and Vernon seemed wrapped around the aspect of money, wait until Don Draper, the agency's founder, appears before your eyes. Although slightly sophisticated... pshh we are AP English students right?

Super Bowl XLV: Finish the poetry papers early people!! This weekend, the largest watched sports event in America airs, and two mid-western, heartland of America, teams will battle for the crown of "World Champions" (which seems odd to me because not many other countries field a professional football team). The offensively gifted Green Bay Packers and the "steel curtain" defense of the Pittsburg Steelers will surely provide excellent entertainment, so do those papers!

March Madness: It's right around the corner! By far my favorite time of the year to watch sports, 65 hopeful basketball teams will be pitted against one another for the right to proclaim themselves "National Champions" (which seems much more appropriate to me). Brackets, brackets, and more brackets! Nothing would make my year more than to view a bracket filled out by Ms. Serensky and hear the reasoning behind each pick.

So with the extra free time, either read a book or watch one of these shows.

Questions Part 2

I am forfeiting the integrity of the blog by creating a part two of Alex Kreger's "Questions" but only because I thought the idea was brilliant and mentally stimulating.

What are we? At some point everyone needs to take a look in the mirror and ask themselves that simple question. Take the viewpoint of an alien or a completely objective observer that has never laid eyes on a human before. It's weird! Our physical stature is extremely unique compared to the rest of the animal kingdom. We are all extremely awkward beings without a stable center of gravity compared to most animals who rest on four legs, and even monkeys hunch over to have a steadier balance than our rigid upright stance.

The almighty USA? I am in no way attempting to be an anti-patriotic person and upset Thomas because I love our great country. However that's just the point. think about the extreme amounts of propaganda that has occurred in the history of the world. Hitler had almost every single German convinced that his extermination of the Jews was the right thing to do. China lived under the impression that they were the superpower of the world under Mao, Finally, the USSR convinced its citizens that the USA was a monster set out for world domination. What if we lived under these same conditions and the quality of life in the US isn't as good as we think? Immigration numbers could be skewed and not as many people as we think are trying to enter the US. The average income, life expectancy, and for all we know electoral college could be phony or rigged. Just something to think about, but I'll end this section appropriately with "USA USA USA!!!"

How do you not have a weighted 4.0? Once again this is in no way an attempt to insult anyone's intelligence, if anything, it is an angry declaration to use one's intelligence. Many of my friends have great brains but do not accomplish their goals academically because of their complete lack of time management. At Chagrin Falls High School, if a student takes the right courses, not trying anything too advanced for he/she, they should receive a 4.0 at the end of each quarter. I contend the sole necessary requirements to obtain that lofty GPA in Chagrin's inflated grading system are: focus in class for six periods of the day (lunch and study hall not included) which is less than five hours in a twenty-four hour day, proper use of the 50-minute provided study hall, and a simple 60 minutes dedicated to homework each night (even if there is no specific homework, study ahead for the next test). This amounts to less than seven hours of an ENTIRE DAY, which gives the person 17 hours of free time to play sports, relax, and hang out with friends. YOU SHOULD GET A 4.0 at Chagrin, anything else is insulting to the talented brain most everyone was given.

Finally, what is a "word?" Why can't sfdghui mean something? Who decided that a certain group of letters where despicable and proclaimed them swear words? How are we able to translate with the Chinese, when the two languages are so utterly different? Who says one piece of writing is better than another and gives them awards? What if I just developed my own nonsensical style of writing and proclaimed it fantastic (virtually what the Beat generation accomplished)? Why am I not able to scribble on a large sheet of canvas and stick it in an art museum like Van Gogh?

I understand this seems like a random assortment of questions but I needed to release them from my mind.

Good Stuff

The blog project was the greatest thing that ever happened to me in an English class. I was able to simply "freestyle" about random topics that I found humorous or intriguing without overbearing concerns for essay structure or the analyzation of quotes. The blogs allowed me to talk about human tendencies that I witnessed and relevant events that occur everyday in our school instead of writing constantly about books that were published hundreds of years ago (i.e. "Othello"). I have never felt so much freedom in an English project like the "Blogs." I also thoroughly enjoyed watching peoples blog's transform from strict interpretations of the readings from the previous nights into comical prose about whatever they felt like blogging about. The humor that emerged from the daily segment of "Bobbie's Blog Banter" remains unmatched in any other class, and honestly, I don't even care what I get on the semester exam, it will not change my opinion of the project. Bottom line is: I had a great time blogging.

Win

After our embarrassing runner-up finish in last quarter's extra credit contest the Dream Team had some soul searching to do. Now, I won't sit in this chair and type on this blog with complete disregard for the truth: I may contribute to one out of the thirty or so questions that are on this test but frankly it's embarrassing to lose when you have Lebron, Wade, and Bosh (Donley, Kreger, and Schiferl) on your team. For crying out loud, the cumulation of ACT scores from that group figures to 105, and a college wouldn't see a single transcript "B" from the MV3. The bottom line is that anything but first is unacceptable, so I decided that this three-headed, test slaying monster needs to be taken by the leash and reeled in to where their talents are effective and compliment one another. That's why on Friday, every once in a while, I would throw out an answer that I completely guessed on and fight for it with extreme passion. This usually lead to an intense argument from the smartest kids in our school against myself, but my job is complete. The MV3 came together as a whole, and when that occurs, everyone else is playing for second. In a similar situation, the 2004 Men's Olympic US Basketball Team obviously was the most talented in the world, however; their players did not mesh which lead to a pathetic bronze medal. In 2008, the "Redeem Team" put the United States back at the pinnacle of the basketball world, steamrolling everyone in their paths. I want to make it clear to everyone this quarter, these are our intentions. DO NOT try to stand in our way. It will get ugly. The Dream Team is back.

Delirium

For years I have always thought about the fact that I could live in a world of actors, actually this premonition occurred immediately following my first viewing of the "Truman Show." This movie, which stars Jim Carey, is about a man who grows up in a world full of actors and his life is televised without him having any knowledge of what is happening around him. Eventually, Truman figures out that his life is a show and to escape this fictional world all he must do is sail to the end of the dome (that covers his town) where a door leads to the outside world. The movie truly makes one think about their life in a different way, and similarly to "Shutter Island" it creates a sense of unsureness in one's mind. I mean truly, what if you lived in a world full of actors? Honestly, I could be writing this blog right now about being in a world full of actors and actually be in a world full of actors. How could one truly ever tell? Or another thought of mine is about mental stability and the question I often pose to myself: how am I ever sure if this is reality? I look at people who have extreme distortions on what is actually occurring around them, for example a person born with a mental disability, and I think what if I have that disability and just remain unaware that others differ from myself? Which leads into another question what if everything we experience is part of a dream and we just haven't woken up yet? Finally, what even is the purpose of living in reality? These mind-blowing questions are answered by people in different ways that contain elements of science, logic, and faith. My mind is already delirious from working long hours on the data sheet, which at this point I'm not even sure is a real assignment, so I conclude with an apology for this confusing post; however, it was necessary for me to release all of these questions from my brain to prevent an explosion.

Bobi Know

           As I scroll through my iTunes Recently Played list and see some of the classic MCs of all-time, which on my short-list include Eminem, Biggie, Tupac, and 50 Cent, I cannot help but sit in pure amazement due to the vocabulary of these artists. Now, I know Eminem failed the ninth grade three times, Biggie dropped out at the tender age of seventeen, and 50 barely made it through junior high; however, these men truly developed an unbelievable aptitude for words. The more I thought about these wordsmiths, the more I paralleled their brains to our very own Ms. Serensky. It would indeed be revolutionary, but I can see the headlines now: "AP English Teacher Leaves Job to Start Career In The Hip-Hop Industry."
           It is the perfect storm because Ms. Serensky already has mastered everything about being a successful MC. Any avid rap fan knows that a good song is made up of extended metaphors, similes, extreme hyperbolic phrases, and multiple allusions. Check. How to conduct thorough research on major events or occasions in pop culture to incorporate into songs. Check. The ability to create a structured rhyming scheme with diction that makes sense (I make a personal guarantee to the public that she never uses the phrase "Fo Shizzle"). Check. "Call-outs" or direct characterizations of people who foil her, in other words, "haters." Check. Assuredly, she understands the importance of writing songs with a purpose to control the attention of a young and gangster audience. Finally, after multiple weeks of hearing her "Blog Banter" theme song, I am confident that she will be able to develop beats suitable for her incredible lyrical abilities. Which brings us to the final question... what is her stage name? At first, I thought about "The Enforcer" or "The Analytical Cynical Pinnacle" but with the help from my music/business associates Kregs Master Fresh and Schif Daddy, we have decided on "Bobi Know." So if the next song that bursts into the national spotlight includes references to Bengali families or giant Native Americans... we all will know.

Top 10 of '10

Most of my break has consisted of lounging around the house and watching pointless television, neither of which I am ashamed or tired of doing. In fact, the countless "Sportscenter" re-runs that air constantly throughout the day with the Top Memorable Moments or Blunders or Athletes of 2010, provided me with an intriguing thought. What were the Top 10 moments of AP English 2010?

10. Soapstone for Angela's Ashes
-Who doesn't like to wrap up a classic novel by Irish writer Frank McCourt with a concluding soapstone?Plus the book itself had to be one of the best moments of 2010, I mean not a single person in the class had dry-eyes when McCourt left his family to try his luck in America (slight exaggeration).

9. The introduction of the "Argument Essay"
-After months of analysis and intense restriction on what could appear in an essay, we were finally able to use the personal pronoun "I" and let our emotions fly.

8. Shakespeare haunts us with his magnificent "Othello"
-I mean when a ten-page section take over an hour to read I deem it worthy to make the Top 10. I still have nightmares where I forget the quote "You told a lie, an odious damned lie," leaving me with absolutely nothing to write on my book-less essay (which brings me to number 7).

7. Book-less essays
-An event like no other. Never do I see hysteria on the school grounds like I do before a book-less essay (only rivaled by mornings before Calc homework quizzes). Without a doubt, a ground-breaking event in the world of AP English in 2010.

6. The introduction of the "Synthesis Essay"
-My worst fear came true, a Brownlow DBQ mixed with a Serensky Analysis Essay. Enough said.

5. The Decision
-No, not the infamous decision by Lebron James this summer: The decision by our very own Thomas Donley. The question posed, "Will you grow your hair until the end of the year for less than 5,000 dollars?" The answer, "No." A truly mind-blowing decision to say the least.

4. Bobbie's Blog Banter/ The Ever-Changing Theme Song
-The popularity of the show is undeniably great, so much so, that I will push for a school-wide showing in the near future. Furthermore, the theme song exemplifies the flexibility and forward thinking of the show, and changes constantly from cuckoo noises to guitar solos to random humming ensembles.

3. Chief Bromden
-This silent giant kept us relaxed throughout the stresses of college applications and relieved us from a serious "Othello" hangover. At times throughout the last couple months I'm sure some of us thought we belonged in an insane asylum just like the Chief.

2. AP EXAMS
-Duh duh duh duuuuuh (Dramatized), as much as we all would like to forget Joseph Sitzwohl beating or tying our AP Exam scores we cannot. That is why it ranks at number two on my Top 10 list.

1. DEEEEEEAAAR Journal
-From its roots as playful jests toward the Thomas Donley, to its transformation into a staple of our class, I will never forget the "Dear Journal" segments of Ms. Serensky's ongoing comedy routine. Especially the fact that Thomas' diary undertakes the accent of an old british hag.

A great year in AP English and hopefully an even better one to follow. Happy New Years!